Slow Mo Cat the Couch Defender (4/11/15)

The day had barely begun. A bloody sun hung low in the sky. Breezes rushed around the furry feet of our hero, a creature of commendable beauty, blessed with deadly skills. She had alighted on a couch, grey in hue an easily defensible position. There she waited, eyes wide, ears held high, claws at the ready. She knew a battle was not far off.

This hero had been locked in battle for most of the night with her nemesis. Slithering and vile, it had crawled from the dankest, darkest reaches of the Earth's depths. Upon first emerging into the sun, its once dull scales shone; the mucoid covering that had built on them during the creature's years below the earth now refracting the light in a thousand shades. As this creature traveled across the land it came to be known by those scales, it was: The Rainbow Snake!

On this fresh day, TRS, fresh from its latest villainy was in search of the one animal that could prevent it from realizing its nefarious goals. Wiggling its wretched body from side to side it hunted most of the morning before finally catching the scent of its enemy. Slithering along the back of the couch where it knew she was hiding, it was suddenly stung! Emily, sensing the presence of The Rainbow Snake had seen it crawling along the top of the couch and, no sooner had she spotted it than she sprang forward, her claws outstretched catching The Rainbow Snake unawares. Thwarted again, humiliated and defeated The Rainbow Snake retreated, vowing to fight again another day. Emily for her part settled in, enjoying the view from the couch she had so successfully defended from The Rainbow Snakes evil.

Full video of the incident:

Fast Friday 8: Momma's Got a Brand New Box (4/10/15)

This funky kitty is in luck. Some days you wake up dragging behind the backbeat, other days you are rushing the tempo, and then there are the days when the universe aligns and everything is right on time. Emily is having one of those days. After waking stretching, and having some breakfast, Emily trotted happily into the living room to discover that she had a Brand. New. Box. Not only that, but this box is also the perfect size for her tiny kitty body.

Emily, the funky queen of box resting, quickly took up residence and has been enjoying the non-stop disco-fun of sitting, sleeping, looking at things, and scratching that comes with box habitation. All in all, momma's got a brand new box, and she couldn't be happier.

See full video:

Fastest Slow Mo Cat in All the Land! (4/9/15)

Even slow motion can't slow Emily down. When she is in the mood and has a need for speed, there is literally nothing and no one that can stop her from achieving frankly frightening velocities. Anything can induce a running fit: having just eaten, wanting to eat, seeing something interesting, wanting to play, wanting to be in a different room, and/or feeling like running. When she does run, if you blink you could miss it. It took our team of experts months and highly specialized camera placements to capture this event. Now, short-lived as it may be, here is the full Slow Mo Cat run and darned if it doesn't look a lot like regular speed running! Just how fast is she? No one knows.

In the words of one eyewitness: "It was like NASCAR but faster!" In the words of another, "What just happened? I blinked and didn't see anything. it sounded fast though."

Full slow mo video of the running:

The Pounce! (4/8/15)

Much like Liam Neeson's character in the Taken films, Emily has a certain set of skills. These skills have made her the ideal for the task of tangling with (and regularly defeating) her arch nemisis The Rainbow Snake. Today, during one of their regular couch-based altercations, Emily unleashed a move that she has been working on, but had not yet put into practice: The Pounce. No, not a ponce, The Pounce. The Pounce to End all Pounces, The Pounce that Must Not Be Named, The One Pounce to Rule Them All...you get the picture.

To create The Pounce, Emily broke the move down into four simple components.

1. Sighting. She gets a line on her prey. It is wiggling all over the place, hoping to confuse her. She is not confused. She is amused.

2. Rock Back. She moves her weight back letting her strong hid legs do the heavy thrusting. She is now ready to launch her tiny body at her dastardly foe with all deliberate force.

3. Spring! No, not the season, the action. She leaps through the air a whirling force of fur and claws airborne and lethal.

4. Tactical Landing. She does not just slam down on her prey, that could give it a chance to get the better of her. She extends her paws, hand-talons (claws) outstretched ready to grasp onto any part of her opponent she can reach.

When properly executed (and it must be noted that proper execution of The Pounce is basically impossible) this move spells almost certain doom for whoever is facing it.

Full slow mo video of The Pounce:

Keeping Clean 101 with Professor Slow Mo Cat (4/7/15)

A morning routine is important. We all have those certain things we do: making tea/coffee, taking a shower, running around the house like something CRAZY is happening (okay, maybe that's just Emily aka the Slow Mo Cat). For Emily, the morning is a time to clean. No, I am not talking about taking a tiny broom in her kitty paws and going around the house sweeping up the fur she dropped yesterday though, yes, you're right that is an adorable image and would be super handy because then I would not have  to do it. I am talking about cleaning herself. Emily is a fastidious creature. While she is not afraid of a little dirt and loves to go exploring whatever the terrain/weather conditions, she also values a warm place to lay her head and a good clean coat of UNBELIEVABLY SOFT fur.

Having already informed us of how to defend our boxes, today Emily, my opalescent tree-shark, takes it upon herself to show us how she keeps clean. These are instructions for a common, everyday, cursory cleaning. This is not meant to be substituted for a full, thorough cleaning. This one will get you through the work week, on the weekend, you need a full-body shower/cleansing.

1. Get comfy. Find the fluffiest, warmest, most invitingly confortable blanket and take up residents on it. Really wiggle your butt into it and get cozy.

2. Start licking your hands and arms. This is the best place to start because these are often the dirtiest areas. They are out there doing the hard work while other parts of your body just sit around getting taken places by them. The arms are like, "I will carry you!" and the stomach is like, "okay." That's how the body moves.

3. Take one of the hands you are licking and begin passing it over your head and face. This will bring the cleaning power of your own saliva to the other area that is regularly coming into contact with the dirty, dirty world.

And presto! You're done. Ready for another day cattin' about. So you can see what this three step process looks like in person, here is the full video of Emily going through the steps:

The Dark Hunter in Repose (4/6/15)

As has already been established, poachers of the world need beware, a force for good stalks the night: The Dark Hunter. But, this hero also needs rest. Using state-of-the-art technology and finely honed detective skills, My Slow Mo Cat can exclusively reveal footage of The Dark Hunter sleeping.

The Dark Hunter is not easy to find. She (or he, but we are like 99.99999999999%/100% sure that it's a she) leaves no trace except for the scattered camps of her prey. After searching the lowlands, an expedition to higher terrain finally yielded results and her "Slumber Lair" (as she, yes we are just going to go with she, calls it). With infrared lights on the cameras and total silence imperative our reporters snuck as close as they could to where she was resting. At first all they could see was a tail, but soon a fully formed body emerged one that even in deepest rest bespoke natural power, grace and beauty. It is with the presentation of this footage that we can exclusively reveal that The Dark Hunter, bane of poachers and enemy to animal injustices everywhere does, in fact, sleep.

Full video of slumbering:

Slow Mo Cat vs. Shoes: The First Encounter (4/5/15)

There is a new menace. No sooner has Emily made peace with her rival the Tail than she was faced with a fresh threat. Shoes! It turns out that they are everywhere and, when they are not on feet, they are laced terrors, lying in wait for an unsuspecting creature to happen by. There was only one thing to be done, so the Slow Mo Cat herself took matters into her own hands/paws.

Seeing a Shoe loitering with many more of its own kind -- a veritable pediatric army -- she quickly singled it out from the herd and began her assault. First, she explores the Shoe's nefarious depths, probing with her paws. Then she goes so far as to involve her head seeing what lies within. Finally swiping with all of her hand-talons (claws) she subdues her foe with aplomb.

Sources on the ground noted that this first interaction between Slow Mo Cat and Shoe ended firmly in favor of the Slow Mo Cat, but that the Shoe put up a masterful defense and that the quickly developing situation merited close scrutiny and continued observation. We here at My Slow Mo Cat will cover this story as it unfolds bringing you the latest news on the Slow Mo Cat/Shoe relationship.

Full video of the skirmish: