Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Tailmageddon 3: Hos(tail) Conditions 3/25/15)

We have brought you news of the deteriorating conditions of Emily/Tail relations for almost a month now. First, there were nap time skirmishes that went unnoticed and unanswered. Next, there was an escalation: blatant facial disturbances. Now, the tail's actions have become so egregious that Emily has been prompted to respond.

In the early hours of this morning, movements were detected in the peripheral areas of Emily's face. Her spies (aka whiskers) first sent word that something was not right. She quickly convened an ocular investigatory commission (aka opened her eyes) to ascertain what exactly was happening. It soon became apparent that the worst possible scenario was upon her: her tail was in full revolt. Acting seemingly of its own accord, it had seen fit to once again disturb her sleep. Not wanting this violation of sovereignty to continue, Emily quickly and decisively responded unleashing a two pronged attack (aka, swatted with her paws). After a brief struggle, the tail was subdued and subjected to extensive chastisement for its actions (aka she held it and licked it a lot). While a brief counterattack was attempted, it went the way of Napoleon's ill-fated return from Elba. Emily quashed the resistance and her position was reasserted.

Assured of her safety, Emily retired to her slumbers once again and the tail, suitably chastened, retreated to its usual resting place. When reached for comment, Emily stated that she "Did not want to be awake right now, I mean come one, this is prime sleeping time, what are you thinking." When pressed to discuss the events by our intrepid reporter, she said, "It ain't no thang." and curled back up to go to sleep. As always, the tail could not be reached for comment because, as sources close to the tail maintain, it does not have a mouth.

Full incident:


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